Tag: humor

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Having A Conversation With An Aspie

Apple With Worm

Sometimes it can be really hard to have a conversation with my Aspie son. He overthinks everything and makes things complicated.

For example you can’t ask him, say, “Do you think it’s good that that apple on the table rots?”

A “normal” (ie. neurotypical) person might reply something along the lines of: “No. Because then that would be like throwing away the money you spent buying that apple.”

Or: “No. Because then I’ll have a mess on the plate that I’d have to clean up.”

Or even: “No. Because it would stink.”

But with my son you will get an answer like: “Depends. It’s good for the apple because that way it spreads its seeds on the ground and thus it can reproduce itself.

“And it’s good for the tree the apple came from because this way it gets new baby apple trees which I assume it wants because all species want to reproduce themselves and thus perpetuate the species.

“And it’s good for birds because then they get to eat the seeds and birds like eating seeds.”

Now, at this point, do you still remember what we were talking about or what question I originally asked my son or why I asked him that? Because I sure don’t!

Apple With Worm

image-by-clker-free-vector-images-from-pixabay

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How an Aspie Dries his Flip-Flops in the Shower

Cat In Shower

My son washed his flip-flops in the shower the other day. Then we had a conversation.

This is what the conversation with a NON-Aspergers boy might look like:

Boy: What shall I do with my flip-flops?

Me: Leave them in the shower to dry.

Boy: Ok.

If your boy should just happen to be a teenage rebel, you might end up with something like this:

Boy: What shall I do with my flip-flops?

Me: Leave them in the shower to dry.

Boy: Leave them in the f***g where? That’s what us poor plebeians have to do. I’d bet you anything the president of the US and the Prime Minister of England don’t have to dry their flip-flops in the shower! They’ve probably got special rooms in their houses just to dry their shoes in. That’s where all the f***g tax money goes to!

And so far, all in all, it’s pretty good. A pretty normal conversation in a normal home with a normal teenage rebel.

But what happens when you ask an ASPIE boy to leave his flip-flops to dry in the shower? Well let’s just take a look at the conversation I had with my autism-spectrum son recently:

Son: What shall I do with my flip-flops?

Me: Leave them in the shower to dry.

Son: (with a serious face) Where in the shower should I leave them to dry?

Me: Well, just, anywhere. Just leave them in the shower.

Son: Yes but where? Should I leave them on the right side? On the left side? On the side nearest the entrance? Against the far wall? Or would you prefer them in the centre of the shower? If I put them in the centre should I turn them perpendicular to the entrance or horizontal? Or should I put them diagonal to the entrance?

Me: Well I dunno, why don’t you leave them against, oh I dunno, say, the right side of the shower for example?

Son: Do you want them on the right side touching the corner of the far wall or on the right side touching the entrance to the shower? Or do you prefer them right in the centre of the right side?

Me: Oh I don’t care. Ok (coming to terms with the fact that I have an Aspie son) put them right in the centre of the right side, touching the wall of the shower.

Son: Should I leave them completely flat against the right side of the shower? Or do you want them at an angle?

Me: Huh?

Son: If you want them at an angle should I angle the front of the flip-flops away from the wall, or the back of the flip-flops?

(All this, I might add, with a completely straight face. He was dead serious he wasn’t joking.)

Me: Oh I dunno why don’t you angle the front of the flip-flops away from the wall?

(Son turns flip-flops away from the shower wall.)

Son: At what angle should I leave them?

Me: How about you turn them at a 45 degree angle away from the wall? (just to arbitrarily suggest a number, you know)

Son measures the angle of his flip-flops and turns them at a 45 degree angle from the wall. And there his flip-flops remained until they dried.

And he’s like this with everything. For example, you can’t ask him to put “a pinch of salt” into the food. He actually needs to measure the pinch of salt.

I asked him why he is this way.

He said: You know I have an analytical, mathematical mind. I can only understand numbers. I can’t understand anything subjective. Things that are unclear or subjective or whose criteria are constantly changing make me confused.

So there you have it. How the mind of an Aspie works.

Or at least how the mind of my Aspergers son works. Not saying all Aspies work this way. I don’t, for example.

Unfortunately it didn’t occur to me to take a photo of my son’s flip-flops drying in the shower, but perhaps this photo can sort of take its place.

Cat in shower

 

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