Trying to Make Friends as an Aspie
One thing that seems clear to me from reading everything on the internet is that aspie boys are clearly very different from aspie girls.
For example I WANT to have friends!! Friends are very important to me. The only thing is I can’t stand having people as friends if they are very superficial. But I DO want to have friends!
However, interestingly enough, my oldest son “Ermenegildo” actually doesn’t want to have friends.
And most men “on the spectrum” that I have known don’t want to have friends. I can’t imagine not wanting to have friends. It’s one of the things I want most in life is to have friends.
Ermenegildo (my eldest) simply makes friends easily, because I suppose because I took him to the nursery ever since he was a baby because I was determined that unlike me he would receive every opportunity to acquire social skills. So since he acquired social skills he simply gets on with people without having to try.
And because he gets on with everyone, people want to be his friend.
So he has a lot of friends. However he actually says he’s not actually interested in going out and making friends and he doesn’t go out of his way to make friends. However if someone wants to be his friend he’s also game for it. And since he gets on with everyone, lots of people want to be his friend. So he has lots of friends.
So that is one difference that I’ve observed, most men with Asperger’s don’t seem to be interested in making friends whereas I am VERY interested in having friends.
I guess that’s the main difference between aspie men and aspie women.
But I can’t be a social butterfly. I love going out and I love to go out every day, but I really only feel comfortable going out with close friends. With close friends you don’t have to put on an act.
But I would imagine that, on the other hand, that would be the case with all people at any rate, wouldn’t it? I mean most people deliberately act a certain way in front of other people, different from the way they would act when they’re at home alone.
And not just aspies, right?
I find I make friends best in work situations. I’m such a boring person, I only seem to enjoy talking about work related topics with people.
So I only seem able to make friends with people when I work with them. Also working with a person is a relationship that continues for a long period of time, so people can get to know me better.
Because I do also admit I’m a very private person and I won’t tell you my life at the first meeting, I just don’t trust people enough to tell them anything about myself when I first meet them.
So I can only make friends with people I’ve spent a lot of time with, because if we only see each other 2 times I won’t trust you and I won’t tell you anything about myself, so if we only see each other 2 times we won’t become friends.
Whereas there are people, like my friend MC, who is extremely outgoing and chatty, who can make friends on the spot with everyone.
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